He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
