He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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