I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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