I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Mom said you looked used
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
