actually, I'm a sock model
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
