So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Terrible idea I love it
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
