how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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