i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
