we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
