He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
