im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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