how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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