Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Less talking, more tequila
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
