Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Dicks are not precious.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
