I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
third nipple confirmed
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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