We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
