Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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