Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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