Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
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