Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
