The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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