On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
