Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
