nut hugger
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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