My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
