dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
