I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
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