oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
