I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
