Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
