I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
