Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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