so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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