I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
