there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
