I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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