Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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