"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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