he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
