I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
