If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
