It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
