true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
