Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
