There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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