Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
