mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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