I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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