just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
