I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
