We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
