I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
