dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
