Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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