Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
