i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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