she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
