I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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