Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize