he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
