Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
