When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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