I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
