Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Randomize
