You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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