My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
