We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
