Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
