Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
