There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
