Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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