You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
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Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
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You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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