There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
