Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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