Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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