i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
