I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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