when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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