I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
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His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
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He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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