My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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